Wanting a change, but can I do it?

    
     Today May 25th, 2011 I watched The Biggest Loser (TBL) Season 11 Week 20, I currently weigh 300lbs, and I am 31 fixing to be 32 on June 30th, about to start school in the fall. I am a mother to a beautiful girl Victoria who is full of life, but I see so much of the "BAD" qualities that I have going into her, and I don't want this life for her. She is headed in the same direction I am in. I am also a wife to a wonderful man RD we will be married for 14yrs on June 7th he is so amazing I know he loves me, but sometimes it is hard to see that he or others for that fact can love me when I just look at myself and see nothing, and I want that to change, because I know somewhere down deep that I am something, and that I am WORTH this fight! I have for many years now wanted this change but like Hanna and Olivia (TBL's final 2, & sisters) I have some how gotten lost in all of this mess. From day to day life. This disease, this curse has just over taken me. I can relate so much to them especially Hanna. I look in the mirror, & all I see is disgust. That I am not worth anything. I am VERY unhappy with myself, how I have let myself go. I have a beautiful fun, loving spirit just dying to come out, but I am stuck in this HORRIBLE shell. I have tried NUMEROUS diets, things to loose weight do this fad, and get off, and then go to the next fad. I can NEVER stick with it. I ALWAYS give in, and I am so very tired of being this person who on the outside I try to put on this good show like all is ok, and sometimes I know I don't hide it very well, but when down deep it's not ok. I am crying and screaming for help, for someone to just realize, for ME to just realize that I AM WORTH something, that I AM WORTH FIGHTING for. I am tired of all the roller coaster rides. I WANT A CHANGE, AND I WANT TO START IT TODAY!!!  Like I said my birthday is coming up in just a little over a month, and I would love to lose 30lbs by my birthday, but I don't want to set myself up for failure so I will start with, I want to lose 5lbs this week! I know that I can, and hopefully will do more. I am ready to start this new journey of my life. I have said if I can conquer this one thing in my life than I know I can conquer anything that comes my way, and with GOD's help I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST JESUS WHO STRENGTHENS ME.